desperately holding on to me

I struggle with my identity everyday…i have been for a while now. A long time ago (9 years to be exact) when I graduated from college I told my husband to kick my ass if he ever found me climbing the corporate ladder. I graduated as one of the “creative ones” and wasn’t going to let myself be sucked into the cog. And now here I am stuck in the middle of a corporate climb and scared shitless because I seem to be kind of good at it. But its not who I am and that scares me even more.

So the other day, one of my art directors told me she thought I had a surfer girl/hippie chick vibe about me…she actually thought I was from California. She for some reason apologized the next day for calling me a hippie. I laughed and told her what a huge compliment that was. I have been dodging the “corporate” stereotype for quite sometime now…so for her to see a hippie made me happy.

Maybe I’m not losing after all.

i found hope

I was out running the other day and I came upon this family out in their front yard. The dad was practicing catch with his daughter and his 4 year old little boy was roaming around. The little boy saw me coming down the side walk and waved. He then ran over to a tree in their front yard, pulled a bloom off and ran towards me. As I had on my iPod, he screamed at me “a flower for you!” as he handed me the bloom he had pulled off the tree. I still wonder what he was thinking that led him to believe I needed a flower…but it made my freakin night.

The world is falling down and this little boy thought I needed a flower. Maybe he’s on to something.


Once I started running further than short distances, I realized I needed to find some place else to run other than my small neighborhood. I can only wave at the same guy mowing his lawn so many times before he wonders what the hell I’m doing. So I found this trail in Lawrence I really like. It’s amazing how much faster 6 miles goes when your aren’t passing the same house 5 times. My most recent run on this trail consisted of:

me getting lost and adding an additional mile to my run

3 rabbits

1 squirrel

a 1/4 mile of snails

1 saved worm ( i saved him)

2 garage sales

2 creeks

1 dog kickin it ‘head out the window’ style