cause i’ve got one hand in my pocket

I heard Alanis Morissette on the way home and thought of you. You bought me the Jagged Little Pill CD the day it came out. You gave it to me that night I got stuck walking 2 miles to a gas station so I could call you to come pick me up after my piece of shit Ford broke down for the 80th time.

I think I’ll cry every time i hear bag pipes for the rest of time.

I have to close my eyes still if I’m watching a movie that involves a helicopter crash.

The last time I talked to you, you said I should give parenthood a try cause it was pretty cool. You would have liked the boys.

radio edit

Captain Energy was in his room on Sunday having a solo dance party. They have a little CD player/radio and they like to listen to The Rock. So i wandered upstairs for one thing or another and i can now hear the music better but every minute or so the music goes quiet…just for a second though. So i wander closer to the room and it goes silent again and i hear Captain Energy say ‘bad word’ then he turns it back up. Apparently my husband edits his unsuitable CDs for them in the car by turning down the sound as inappropriate words are said…kind of like his own dump button. Obviously radio stations are fairly kid friendly but apparently Captain Energy now believes all stereo listening requires self editing.

too many toes

Captain Energy is fascinated with my upkeep of my nails. Today he sat and watched while I took polish off my toenails…he thought that was pretty awesome. While he’s watching he counts my toes and we then have the following conversation:

Captain Energy: Why do you have 5 toes?

Me: Everyone has 5 toes.

Captain Energy: No they don’t.

Me: Yes they do.

Captain Energy: I don’t.

He takes his sock off and counts 5 toes

Captain Energy: Oh wait…maybe not on my other foot.

He proceeds to take his other sock off and again counts 5 toes

Captain Energy: Hmmm

just add water

Captain Energy has decided he wants my husband to wash him on bath nights instead of me. The husband is a little more laid back in all tasks and so often times both boys take advantage of the situation. Captain Energy requests the husband again last night so I wander into our bathroom to wash my face…they were in the bathroom on the other side of the wall. Apparently no more than 5 seconds after my husband enters the bathroom Captain Energy decides to stand up and then proceeds to lose his balance. He hits the wall so hard i think he’s coming through the wall and then based on my husband’s response displaces over half the water in the tub onto the floor, wall and ceiling. After he confirms Captain Energy is ok it gets pretty quiet as the husband explains to him how he’s worked all day and doesn’t want extra unnecessary work like cleaning up the pond that now exists in our bathroom. And because Captain Energy comes from a background of the non-working there is then a conversation about what work is, why we work and what it pays for….including the water that is now on the floor. I’m sure most of the message was lost as soon as the door opened and Captain Energy was on to the next one.

uninhibited

Captain Energy and Mr. Grumpy Pants just met the girl who lives around the corner…and therefore so did I. Here is the conversation I just had with her.

What happened to your hand?

Are you their mom?

I’m adopted and my dad is in jail.

If we were only all that forthright…

girl approved

We’re in the grocery store the other day and Mr. Grumpy Pants and I are waiting while jeff and Captain Energy are on one of many pee breaks (apparently lots of energy means lots of pee) and he sees some Axe body wash. He tells me that’s the kind of body wash he likes to use. He then asks me if I want to know why he likes to use it. I say sure…although I’m not used to 9 year old boys and I’m not real sure what I’m getting in to at this point. So he tells me to look at the back of the bottle and points to the description. There on the back of the bottle it says that Axe is girl approved. That’s right…he’s 9. Is it bad I bought him some?

battle cry

Captain Energy is learning how to tie his shoes. He has technically figured out the how but he is never quite fast enough at it for his own liking and instead wants us to tie them for him. He’s never going to learn that way and so I always offer to assist but refuse to just tie them. The longer he tries of course the more he wants to give up ands the more he cries. He gets his loops made but loses track of where to cross everything over and cries out “I can’t find the hole.” All I can do is sit and try not to laugh. Let’s hope he figures that issue out for good eventually.

it’s a sock thing

Socks have always been elusive. Everyone knows there is never a load of laundry where you wind up with matching socks. I think I have only actually pulled that off twice in my entire life. But I now have two boys who wear the same size socks and they seem to be somehow producing socks while I sleep. On a good day I usually have about 5 socks in each wash that don’t match and often times I swear I find socks in a wash I have never even seen before. There’s this one damn sock with this green stripe on the toe and I have NO idea where it came from or where its damn mate is.

Aside from my inability to match issues, these things now show up all over my house. At any given time i usually have a rogue sock on the coffee table, under the kitchen table, in the dog bowl or in the back seat of my car…always just one though. Where’s the other one? It’s not like i see either of the boys walking around with just one sock on.

Last night I’m laying in bed…laying in a bed i have just made up with clean sheets…and i feel something under the sheets. I don’t think much about it but it’s kind of annoying me so i get out of bed and pull back the sheets…and yup, you guessed it…it’s a rogue sock.