friday fail

So when all was said and done yesterday I had a day.  Here’s how it went:

On Thursday I was called out by a co-worker for using improper English.  I was not and later sent him the English rule proving it which he subsequently dismissed.  Yesterday, I somehow managed to arrive at work the EXACT same time as him and then had to ride the elevator with him while he again debated the rule.

I received a lecture on meeting etiquette from the woman who is always 15 minutes late to a meeting, doesn’t even acknowledge most weekly meetings as they come up, never knows what a meeting is about until we debrief her and/or cancels about 50% of her meetings.

I then received a lecture from same woman about projects not getting done…when all the “undone” projects on my desk are waiting action items from HER before I can proceed.

I was almost run over in the QuikTrip parking lot…I actually had to run to get out of the way.

I finally made it home and smashed my finger in the dog crate trying to release the hounds.

At dinner, they gave me the black bean soup instead of just the black beans.  The black bean soup had pork in it…I don’t eat pork.

While I was standing in the doorway of the grocery store taking my coat off, a guy full-on walks into the back of me and about knocks me over.

The pajama pants I bought at Old Navy which I just ‘held up to’ the pair I had tried on…they looked EXACTLY the same size…didn’t fit when I got them home.

And when I thought I had finally made it to the end of my day, just before midnight, the dog wakes us up by puking up the entire contents of her stomach.

Beat that.

99 problems…and the b**ch WAS one

So we talked ourselves into footing the bill to get ourselves in the building Tuesday night to see Kanye West and Jay-Z.  I’ve always said I’d pay anything to see Jay-Z and while I didn’t pay to see them down front, I did go along with the husband, sister #2 and the brother-in-law (BIL).  Below are some pictures but here’s the story of the night.

We sat up top (b/c thats what the budget allowed) and its steep up there.  When you stand up you are literally hovering over the people’s heads in front of you.  Before the show starts we see there are two very drunk guys behind us sitting next to two girls they are chatting up.  We don’t think much of it and the show finally starts.

Not ten minutes in, one of the bitches sloshes her beer all over me and my sister.  My sister turns around and tells them they need to watch it.  They ignore her.  So I turn around to try and get the girl’s attention and she literally swats my hand away.  At this point the sister and I are pissed.

They seem more interested in drinking and so they wander off at some point.  But over the course of the evening they wander back and forth continue to spill beer on us and our stuff.  Every time we yell at them and they look completely surprised like they have NO idea why we are mad and then try to get in our face an apologize.  At some point, we move down but that only works until they come back and wind up behind us yet again.

About two hours in the one girl has disappeared completely (presumably with some random guy she planned on screwing) but the other girl is back and finally falls backwards into our row and into the seat next to me.  I was about ready to kick her ass.  The guys behind us pull her back up and she again spills beer on my coat.

I look at the husband and say, there is about ready to be a fist fight.

I think he knew I was serious and physically moves me over and proceeds to yell at the girl and the guy she is now with.  They act completely surprised…AGAIN…that we are yelling at them.  The way I see it, they were lucky we had been so understanding considering  both me and my sister had beer on us and all of our coats were covered in beer.  Your welcome for us not getting you kicked out, girls who were young enough to be my daughter.

Aside for the beer…they fucking rocked the house…see below:

just say no

I haven’t been to Thanksgiving at my mom’s house in a couple years.  We’ve been out of town and at other sides of the family but finally got back around to my mom’s this year.  However, it was apparently everyone else’s turn this year to be elsewhere and so the gathering was fairly small.  One table, 9 people and not a lot of room for the dishes.

Because of the limited space on the table, the rolls were allocated to a staging table back in the corner that was holding the coffee maker and wine.  My mother had not yet sat down and realized everyone else had sat without picking up a roll first.  So her solution, and really anyone’s solution I would imagine, was to throw rolls to those who wanted one.

My uncle was up first and she threw a line drive down the table so hard I still don’t know how he caught it.  My husband was thrown the next one which he had no problem catching….he plays softball.  I was asked next and I promptly said no.  My one handed disadvantage makes me a very hot and cold catcher.

My cousin was up last and at this point there was a terrible miscommunication.  My cousin can not catch but for some reason my mother thought she had been cleared to throw her one.  So as the roll headed toward my cousin, she figured her safest option was to block it.  However, she is apparently just as bad at blocking as she is at catching and so the roll hit her hands, then hit her in the eye, bounced onto the table and rolled onto the floor.  It somehow grazed my uncle’s wine glass and while I saw it topple I simply could not grab it before red wine spilled onto my cousin’s plate, the tablecloth and her shirt.

So the moral of the story?  When asked by my mother if you want a roll…just say no.

high school reboot…a reunion in the making

Immediately following the posting of the where and when details of our highschool reunion, the group posting on facebook has exploded with people uploading photos from junior high and highscool.  Every time I turn around someone else has posted a pic or commented on said pics.

And its funny, cause a handful of fellow classmates are out there enjoying themselves, remembering all the good old times…but do you think they realize these pics are just pics of all the people who were popular?

So its just a big “hey, look what you missed in highschool” fest for all those NOT in the pictures.  I think I may have liked it better 10 years ago when reunions got planned without the use of facebook and the reminder of what highschool was like from the outside.

i want to thank god

The husband and I are watching the AMAs and at this point in time I’m not sure who hasn’t thanked God.  So we started thinking about it…and here’s what we’ve decided:

He really, really likes music.  All music, he doesn’t discriminate.

He loves sports…a lot.  Specifically touchdowns, home runs and championships of any kind.

He’s a huge fan of movies and TV.

He loves Sunday mornings..and Wednesday nights.

He loves voting.  For artist of the year, people’s choice…you name it, he votes. He must have a hell of a phone plan.


I suppose I should thank god for giving me something to blog about…and yes, I’m going to hell.

a moment in time

I recently went to a friend’s birthday party, a friend who I used to work with, a friend I acquired during what I have deemed the perfect moment in time.

She is part of a crew of people I used to work with at my former place of employment which shall remain nameless.  It wasn’t a great place to work.  It was corporate, always on the verge of collapse, run badly, creatively stunting and, for the last few years before they cut me loose, every day I walked in the front door it sucked a tiny part of my soul out of me .

But, within the walls of this corporate institution, there existed a group of people I fell into who wound up becoming some of the greatest friends I will probably ever meet.

I don’t make friends easily.  Up until that job I had not worked anywhere where there was even a handful of people I liked.  Im a loner by nature, always have been.  And it actually took me a long while to infiltrate this group.  It was a close knit group.  Many of them had been working with each other for years and some were best friends coming in.  They were loud and obnoxious and had story after story from their collective histories they would tell over and over to anyone who would listen.  They were super intimidating to say the least.  But they wound up being people who were like minded and equally as rude as I was, and I slowly slid into the fold and began creating my own stories with them.

We always joked about how it was an anomaly to fall into such a great group of people you liked working with and actually liked as people too.  I looked forward to going to work…not because I liked it there but because I knew THEY were there.

At this point in time, many of us have moved on…different jobs, different states. For some of us its been a while since we were there…for others its not been all that long.  But what I can tell you now is I’m pretty sure it was in fact a perfect moment in time that probably wont happen again.  It was our perfect storm.  I currently work with people I like…but its not the same.  This group is like family to me now.  I celebrate birthdays with them, stand by the as they fall and help them back up, trudge through illness and watch them become awesome dads and moms.

Out of the chaos, unhappiness, unrest and frustration of the job itself something great formed.  And no matter what happened there that I didn’t like or how badly it ended for some of us, I wouldn’t pass up that moment in time for anything.

from inside the asylum walls

Sometimes I feel like there is no sanity within the walls of where I work.  Some of things that happen daily are too good not to share.  Here’s today’s.

Weird interactions happen to me in our kitchen. Those who know me know I’m not a maker of idle chit chat. If I don’t know you, I don’t really need to talk to you. So this morning I’m standing in the kitchen wearing this shirt (trust me, this is important).

A woman I do not know walks in to get coffee and asks how I am. Because I’m only a partial bitch, I answer that I’m fine. She then proceeds to tell me my shirt is cute. Uh…did she look at it? Because in case you missed it, I’m standing there in a shirt with a heart on it with daggers sticking out of it. Im not sure I would have gone with cute.  She then says to me:

“Its so nice to wear long sleeve shirts in the fall and winter and not just in the summer.”

This was followed by an awkward silence as I have NO idea what that even MEANS. I’m glad she walked away because I had no idea how to respond.

lunch time errands fail

This weekend the husband and I are heading to the father-in-laws’ (FIL) lake house.  We are having a thanksgivingesque meal and we are responsible for the rolls, cranberries and pumpkin pie…I know random.

I hate being sent on food-gathering errands as I’m a dolt in grocery stores…you can usually find me either turning circles in the aisle or trekking across the store 4 times.  Its obvious on days like this that when we do our weekly grocery shopping, I clearly just follow the husband and the basket around paying no attention.  I suspect he already knows this.

So today I combine lunch gathering and errand running and pick up a salad first.  As I head away from the salad counter I go to look for my list.  After a thorough set-my-shit-down search its clear it’s no where on my body.  Awesome!

I think I know what I need, so I proceed.  I get everything (I think) and only manage to turn myself around oncea and head to the check out.  I don’t have any reusable bags with me but need to replace one anyways…so I grab a reusable bag to purchase too.

Then I have this interaction with the lady checking me out:

Clerk: Can I put everything in the bag you are purchasing?

Me: Actually no…can you put the pie and cool whip in a plastic bag?

Clerk: So the pie and cool whip in your bag you’re buying only?

Me: Uh no….in a plastic bag…so I can take those back in to work with me and put them in the fridge.

Clerk: So nothing in the bag you bought?

Me (in my head): Sweet jesus

Me (out loud): Yes, everything else can go in that bag (at this point Im talking to her like shes 5).

I finally get out to my car and realize I need my salad back in at work too so I go to resack stuff and realize they didn’t sack the plastic fork I picked up.  I don’t have a fork…that’s why I picked one up.  So I have to go back in the f**king store.

As I head back to work I decide I don’t want to deal with the construction down at the light on the corner so I figure Ill cut through some neighborhoods…which I could have done if I had picked the straight lane coming out of the parking lot.

I did not.

I instead wind up in the turn right only lane.  So when I wind up at the intersection I was trying to avoid, I cant turn left.

I need to turn left.

This hiccup causes me to have to drive through fresh tar…twice.  Once going through the light where I can’t turn and then again after I turn around and come back through.  As I turn the corner I almost run into a woman in a car on the wrong side of the road.

I somehow make it back to work (who knows how at this point) and as I get into the lobby I see one of the elevators is sitting open. Sweet!  I walk up to it and RIGHT before I get close enough it shuts and takes off without me. As the doors shut I literally, out loud, scream are you f**king kidding me??!?

To end the fantastic trip, I wander back to my office and find my list…sitting on my desk.