My night went a little something like this:

11:55 – got to bed a little later than usual…took mom to see The Help for her b-day.

12:03 – chirp

12:03:10 – Husband: was that a smoke detector?

Me: Uhhh…yup

Husband: Son of a bitch

12:04 – chirp

12:05 – the dog is officially freaked out and panting like crazy

12:06 – the husband dismantles the smoke detector in our bedroom as the sound seems to be coming from fairly close to us

12:25 – chirp

Husband: Are you freaking kidding me?!??!

12:26-12:31 – the husband dismantles (what he thinks are) ALL the smoke detectors on the upper level of our house and takes them to the basement

12:45 – chirp…the dog now climbs in the shower.

12:46 – the husband gets up to try and figure out why we can still hear the chirps if all smoke detectors are now in the basement

12:50 – I get up and see he has missed one at the end of our hall…we have NO idea why we have 5 on one level some just outside the door from another one.

12:55 – he replaces the battery in the missed detector with our last 9-volt figuring at this point we have narrowed down the culprit.

1:25 – chirp

The Husband: motherfu**er@!?@!@@!?@!@

1:32 – I get dressed so I can go to the Kwik Shop to buy more 9-volts. At this point we think the lone still-assembled alarm is pissed and won’t shut up until we reassemble the rest of them.

1:35 – I head out, and as I open the door the dog bolts past me unannounced and heads to the car.

Dog: Get me out of this crazy house.

1:38 – I purchase 6 9-volt batteries. I’m sure the young boy behind the counter had grand speculations about what I was trying to power up.  I didn’t care.

1:40-1:50 – The husband re-assembles all the smoke detectors with new batteries.

2:00 – chirp

Husband: Sweet mary all that is holy I need to go to sleep

2:01 – The husband heads out to the hall to literally sit under three of the detectors to determine which one is STILL chirping.  The dog has now wedged herself between my bedside table and the bed.  I am contemplating going to sleep in the car.

2:15 – I tell the husband maybe that was a final reset-like chirp and he comes back to bed.

2:16 – I think I fell asleep

2:30 – chirp

Husband: angry silence

Me: Do you think it’s the carbon monoxide detector?

2:32 – The husband determines it is INDEED the carbon monoxide detector but then discovers it takes batteries that are NOT 9-volt of which we have none.

2:35 – The carbon monoxide detector is banished, dismantled, to the garage.

Dear Mr. Carbon Monoxide Detector Maker,

Can you please, please, pretty freaking please make the damn ‘dead battery’ alert sound different than a smoke detector alert?


Only got 4 hours of sleep and hating my day right now

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