This weekend the husband and I are heading to the father-in-laws’ (FIL) lake house. We are having a thanksgivingesque meal and we are responsible for the rolls, cranberries and pumpkin pie…I know random.
I hate being sent on food-gathering errands as I’m a dolt in grocery stores…you can usually find me either turning circles in the aisle or trekking across the store 4 times. Its obvious on days like this that when we do our weekly grocery shopping, I clearly just follow the husband and the basket around paying no attention. I suspect he already knows this.
So today I combine lunch gathering and errand running and pick up a salad first. As I head away from the salad counter I go to look for my list. After a thorough set-my-shit-down search its clear it’s no where on my body. Awesome!
I think I know what I need, so I proceed. I get everything (I think) and only manage to turn myself around oncea and head to the check out. I don’t have any reusable bags with me but need to replace one anyways…so I grab a reusable bag to purchase too.
Then I have this interaction with the lady checking me out:
Clerk: Can I put everything in the bag you are purchasing?
Me: Actually no…can you put the pie and cool whip in a plastic bag?
Clerk: So the pie and cool whip in your bag you’re buying only?
Me: Uh no….in a plastic bag…so I can take those back in to work with me and put them in the fridge.
Clerk: So nothing in the bag you bought?
Me (in my head): Sweet jesus
Me (out loud): Yes, everything else can go in that bag (at this point Im talking to her like shes 5).
I finally get out to my car and realize I need my salad back in at work too so I go to resack stuff and realize they didn’t sack the plastic fork I picked up. I don’t have a fork…that’s why I picked one up. So I have to go back in the f**king store.
As I head back to work I decide I don’t want to deal with the construction down at the light on the corner so I figure Ill cut through some neighborhoods…which I could have done if I had picked the straight lane coming out of the parking lot.
I did not.
I instead wind up in the turn right only lane. So when I wind up at the intersection I was trying to avoid, I cant turn left.
I need to turn left.
This hiccup causes me to have to drive through fresh tar…twice. Once going through the light where I can’t turn and then again after I turn around and come back through. As I turn the corner I almost run into a woman in a car on the wrong side of the road.
I somehow make it back to work (who knows how at this point) and as I get into the lobby I see one of the elevators is sitting open. Sweet! I walk up to it and RIGHT before I get close enough it shuts and takes off without me. As the doors shut I literally, out loud, scream are you f**king kidding me??!?
To end the fantastic trip, I wander back to my office and find my list…sitting on my desk.