lunch time errands fail

This weekend the husband and I are heading to the father-in-laws’ (FIL) lake house.  We are having a thanksgivingesque meal and we are responsible for the rolls, cranberries and pumpkin pie…I know random.

I hate being sent on food-gathering errands as I’m a dolt in grocery stores…you can usually find me either turning circles in the aisle or trekking across the store 4 times.  Its obvious on days like this that when we do our weekly grocery shopping, I clearly just follow the husband and the basket around paying no attention.  I suspect he already knows this.

So today I combine lunch gathering and errand running and pick up a salad first.  As I head away from the salad counter I go to look for my list.  After a thorough set-my-shit-down search its clear it’s no where on my body.  Awesome!

I think I know what I need, so I proceed.  I get everything (I think) and only manage to turn myself around oncea and head to the check out.  I don’t have any reusable bags with me but need to replace one anyways…so I grab a reusable bag to purchase too.

Then I have this interaction with the lady checking me out:

Clerk: Can I put everything in the bag you are purchasing?

Me: Actually no…can you put the pie and cool whip in a plastic bag?

Clerk: So the pie and cool whip in your bag you’re buying only?

Me: Uh no….in a plastic bag…so I can take those back in to work with me and put them in the fridge.

Clerk: So nothing in the bag you bought?

Me (in my head): Sweet jesus

Me (out loud): Yes, everything else can go in that bag (at this point Im talking to her like shes 5).

I finally get out to my car and realize I need my salad back in at work too so I go to resack stuff and realize they didn’t sack the plastic fork I picked up.  I don’t have a fork…that’s why I picked one up.  So I have to go back in the f**king store.

As I head back to work I decide I don’t want to deal with the construction down at the light on the corner so I figure Ill cut through some neighborhoods…which I could have done if I had picked the straight lane coming out of the parking lot.

I did not.

I instead wind up in the turn right only lane.  So when I wind up at the intersection I was trying to avoid, I cant turn left.

I need to turn left.

This hiccup causes me to have to drive through fresh tar…twice.  Once going through the light where I can’t turn and then again after I turn around and come back through.  As I turn the corner I almost run into a woman in a car on the wrong side of the road.

I somehow make it back to work (who knows how at this point) and as I get into the lobby I see one of the elevators is sitting open. Sweet!  I walk up to it and RIGHT before I get close enough it shuts and takes off without me. As the doors shut I literally, out loud, scream are you f**king kidding me??!?

To end the fantastic trip, I wander back to my office and find my list…sitting on my desk.

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